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The Awful Battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles
Of the Awful Battle of the Pekes and The Pollicles!
Together with some account of the participation of the Pugs and the Poms!
And the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat!
The Pekes and the Pollicles, everyone knows,
Are proud and implacable passionate foes;
It is always the same, wherever one goes.
And the Pugs and the Poms, although most people say
That they do not like fighting, yet once in a way,
They now and again join in the fray.
And they
Bark bark bark bark
Bark bark bark bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park.
Now on the occasion of which I shall speak
Almost nothing had happened for nearly a week
(And that's a long time for a Pol or a Peke.)
The big Police Dog was away from his beat -
I don't know the reason, but most people think
He slipped into the Wellington Arms for a drink -
And no one at all was about on the street
When a Peke and a Pollicle happened to meet.
They did not advance, or exactly retreat,
But they glared at each other,
and scraped their hind feet,
And started to
Bark bark bark bark
Bark bark bark bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park.
And they
Bark bark bark bark
Bark bark bark bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park.
Now the Peke, although people may say what they please,
Is no British Dog, but a Heathen Chinese.
And so all the Pekes, when they heard the uproar,
Some came to the window, some came to the door;
There were surely a dozen, more likely a score.
And together they started to grumble and wheeze
In their huffery-snuffery Heathen Chinese.
But a terrible din is what Pollicles like,
For your Pollicle Dog is a dour Yorkshire tyke.
There are dogs out of every nation
The Irish, the Welsh and the Dane:
The Russian, the Dutch, the Dalmatian,
And even from China and Spain.
The Poodle, the Pom, the Alsatian
And the Mastiff who walks on a chain.
And to those that are frisky and frolical,
Let my meaning be perfectly plain:
That my name it is little Tom Pollicle,
And you'd better not do it again!
And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters,
And every dog-jack of them notable fighters;
And so they stepped out, with their pipers in order,
Playing When the Blue Bonnets Came Over the Border.
Then the Pugs and the Poms held no longer aloof,
But some from the balcony, some from the roof,
Joined in to the din with a
Bark bark bark bark
Bark bark bark bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park.
Huffery snuffery, huffery snuffery, huffery snuffery, huffery snuf!
Until you could hear them all over the park!
(General barking)
Now!
When these bold heroes together assembled,
The traffic all stopped, and the Underground trembled,
And some of the neighbors were so much afraid
That they started to ring up the Fire Brigade.
When suddenly, up from a small basement flat,
Why who should stalk out but the Great Rumpuscat.
His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing,
He gave a great yawn, and his jaws were amazing;
And when he looked out through the bars of the area,
You never saw anything fiercer or hairier.
And what with the glare of his yawning,
The Pekes and the Pollicle quickly took warning.
He looked at the sky and he gave a great leap -
And they every last one of them scattered like sheep.
And when the Police Dog returned to his beat,
There wasn't a single one left in the street.
All hail and all bow to the Great Rumpus Cat!
Jellicle cats and dogs all must,
Pollicle dogs and cats all must,
Like undertakers come to dust!